Happiness. There are countless self-help books, articles, and podcasts on the subject, each taught by the highest-degreed doctors, psychologists and behaviorists, all wishing to steer us toward finding true happiness. Even those closest to us – well-meaning friends, family, and coworkers who genuinely do seem to know the answer – chime in and offer advice from time to time.
But here’s the hard truth: There is no single answer or solution that solves the question of happiness. Like a lot of things, happiness is entirely relative. The answer is almost as obscure as the answer to “What is the meaning of life?” Also, like many things, our idea of happiness evolves, even if we once held it tightly in our grasp.
So, we’re here to ask a more specific and nuanced question: what is happiness to you? Like, right here, right now.
Not quite sure? Here’s a little secret: You wouldn’t be the first to feel this way. Finding happiness is a deeply personal journey. A journey that takes time. Luckily, we can offer some gentle guidance along the way.
Chasing the Conditioned Idea of Happiness
Happiness can take on a surface-level quality. From Insta-worthy photos showcasing your lifestyle to ensuring you hit the major milestones of marriage and promotions, we can easily slip into that echo chamber as we chase the general collective concept of happiness.
But are you really living your best life… or is it for show?
While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sharing these moments of gratitude, especially if you mean it, it’s important to remember that happiness is not a box to check off or a stamp of approval. Because this echo chamber, well… It’s a slippery slope. Before you know it, you find yourself pleasing others, not yourself.
In addition, it can spiral into a “toxic positivity” mindset—one where you forget to make space for times when life truly feels heavy. Then, instead of addressing these tougher moments, you stuff them deep down, burying them beneath the facade of happiness.
But true happiness isn’t meant to be filtered. And joy should feel genuine, never forced.
Finding Your Version of Happiness
Drop the facade. Seriously. Your happiness does not have to look like anyone else’s. Instead, make space for your journey of joy and discover the moments, activities, and people who bring you contentment.
The good news is that you don’t have to look far. The trick? Acknowledge the joyfulness when it happens and make note of it.
It could be as simple or layered as:
- Owning your mornings with a ritualist cup of coffee or refreshing juice
- Booking a ticket to a destination out of your comfort zone (in the best way)
- Saying yes to spontaneity by taking your partner on a date night
- Turning down what drains you (both people who feel toxic and activities you simply don’t enjoy)
You may even want to ask yourself:
- When do I feel most alive?
- What makes me lose track of time?
- What would my happiest self say yes to right now?
The Psychology of Happiness
As you recognize things that bring you happiness, jot them down into categories or “pillars of happiness.” Then, cultivate them daily. Let it be your fuel along your journey.
One common set of pillars you can rely on is PERMA, created by the American psychologist and “father of positive psychology” Dr. Martin Seligman. The PERMA model breaks down into five elements: Positive Emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishments.
But what do each of these represent? Let’s elaborate!
Positive Emotion: The Spark of Everyday Joy
Happiness starts with how we feel. That spark of joy when you sip your favorite coffee, the warmth of sunshine, and the deep gratitude that floods in after a good cry with someone you trust counts. Positive emotion is about savoring the good, even when life gets messy.
Engagement: Losing Yourself to Find Yourself
Think of the moments when you feel completely in it—when time vanishes, and you’re totally absorbed in the moment. That’s called flow, and it’s a happiness powerhouse. Engagement is about doing what lights you up, whether you find it while painting, problem-solving, or dancing in your kitchen, when you're fully present in work, hobbies, or relationships!
Relationships: Your Circle is Your Power
Let’s be honest: real happiness is rarely a solo journey. Our connections shape us. The heart-to-hearts, soul sisters, and mentors who believe in us all matter. So nourish these meaningful relationships. Because when you're surrounded by people who see your magic and your glow, it becomes much easier to believe in it yourself.
Meaning: Living with Intention
Happiness without meaning can feel hollow and shallow. We often crave something deeper. We want to know that what we’re doing matters and that our work, love, and voice will leave an impression. Whether you're raising kind humans, leading change, or simply showing up authentically in your world, purpose gives us a sense of direction. Our true North. And that makes us feel happy and whole.
Accomplishment: Celebrating the Climb
A thrilling kind of joy and happiness comes from knowing you did something hard. Whether it’s hitting goals, facing your biggest fears, or simply owning unexpected outcomes, you have to celebrate your accomplishments. Happiness lives in those proud, sweaty, sometimes imperfect wins. And guess what? Your accomplishment may not always be perfect, but every small step counts.
Find Your Happiness
As you explore what happiness means to you and tune into it daily, you can build upon each and every moment. From creating a joy-inspired dopamine menu to celebrating micro-moments and tiny delights to forcing a digital detox to reclaim time for activities, things, and people you truly love, try to remember: happiness is relative!
Redefine for yourself what happiness means. You don’t have to do it all and follow the dream we’ve all been sold. Just do what matters and make you feel content. And do it with intention.
In short: You don’t need to be everything to everyone. You only need to be true to yourself.
So, we invite you to discover what you need to feel content and happy. What do you crave most out of life? What excites you and brings a sustained sense of joy? Somewhere in this answer lies the key to your happiness.
